I realized that little voice inside my head was constantly telling myself, "There are no good available men." Through a little work, I turned my negative relationship self talk to, "There are available men everywhere." And suddenly there was! It's the Law of Attraction.
In thirty days or less, you too, can change your love life by following these tips.
Tip 1: Retrain your mind. Like me, you might not have found Mr. Right because your mind was convinced you wouldn't. Listen to what you've been saying to yourself: your negative relationship self-talk. I realized I was continually saying, "There are no good available men," and "I will never find a mate." Little wonder I didn't find the man of my dreams!
There are four easy steps to retraining your mind from the negative to the positive:
Step 1: Recognize your negative relationship self talk. Realizing this self talk is the first step in finding the relationship of your dreams. Go to a quiet place in your home where you will not be disturbed. Your sofa. Your bedroom. Close your eyes. Relax. Breathe deeply. Take a few moments to think about yourself and your relationships and the relationship you would like to have. Think about your true core thoughts on why you don't have the relationship you want. What are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself you are too old to have a relationship? You're too fat? You don't deserve a relationship? Be honest with yourself. This is scary and can be brutal, but it's the first step in finding the loving relationship you deserve.
Step 2: Pick the top two or three negative things you're telling yourself. Write them down. They may be, "I don't deserve a relationship." and "I'm too fat to have a relationship."
Step 3: Put those statements into one positive statement. The examples in Step 2 would go something like this, "I am beautiful and sexy, I have a beautiful body, and I deserve a loving, happy relationship."
Step 4: In a notebook, write the positive statement down twenty times for each of thirty days. Studies tell us that it takes thirty days to reverse a bad way of thinking. Each and every time you write it you'll feel better about yourself and that positive statement will become more and more a part of you. It's the Law of Attraction! What you focus on you will get! You are re-programming your mind from negative to the positive!
Tip 2: Establish your "ideal man criteria."
Now that we've gotten your mind in the right place, it's time to start meeting Mr. Right. Before we meet Mr. Right, however, we have to figure out who he is! We first have to determine what you want in a mate and establish your standards. If you go around dating everyone you meet, you'll not only exhaust yourself; you'll become very discouraged.
Step 1: Ask yourself what you require in a partner. What does your ideal man look like? What does he do for a living? What are his core values, religious beliefs, political beliefs, moral standards? What is his life style? What is his occupation and education? What are his hobbies? Take a few minutes to determine who your ideal man is in each of the following categories. Write down what you want.
His appearance: What does he look like? You must be attracted to some aspect of his looks or you'll not have enough motivation to continue on with the relationship.
His personality: Does he have a sense of humor? What sort of attitude does he have? Is he a positive person or a negative one? Is he a romantic?
Physical/Health: Is he active and athletic or laid back? What kind of health does he have? Is he a non-smoker? Does he go to the gym? Is he a jogger? Does he eat junk food or is he a health food nut?
Financial/Career : What does he do for a living? Does he travel with his job? Is his job creative or analytical in nature? Is he a wealthy man or just comfortable?
Education: What is his level of education?
Spiritual/Moral: What are his core values? His religious beliefs? Political beliefs? Moral standards? Is he a spiritual man? Does he believe in self-improvement?
His Dreams: What dreams does he want to achieve? Does he have goals and aspirations and the drive to achieve?
His Relationships and his view of relationships: Does he have children? Does he want more children? Does he want to get married? What kind of relationship does he have with his family, friends or significant others? What kind of relationship will you have with him?
Home: What kind of a home does he have? Is there a view of the ocean? A view of the mountains? Does he have a pool? A whirlpool? Does he have more than one home? Does he have a condo downtown? A cabin in the woods?
Lifesyle/Adventure: How does he enjoy himself? Could you be included in this? What are his hobbies. What is his lifestyle? Does he travel? Does he go to the opera? Does he go on fishing trips? Does he like to cruise? Does he like to cook?
Tip 3: Read your list every day. Writing down your ideal man criteria and reading it to yourself at least once a day will keep your mind focused on what you want.
Tip 4: Keep your eyes open. Your perfect man could be right around the corner! Most of us literally sleep walk through life. We're on automatic pilot. We go through our daily routines. We stop at Starbucks for our morning coffee. Stop at the Deli next to work for a quick lunch. We pick up our dry cleaning after work. Several times a day you could be missing meeting someone who could enrich your life. Go out and find him! The old saying, "love with find you" is wrong - you need to find him!
Tip 5: Keep a smile on your face! Be prepared to meet your Mr. Right at all times: the grocery store, dry cleaner, DMV, Starbucks. Your smile is your best weapon in winning the dating battle. When he sees your smile he'll not only think you're attractive and have a pleasant personality, he'll decide you're someone he wants to meet!
Tip 6: Don't wait for him to ask you out. Be proactive. Along with that smile of yours, maintain eye contact with him for three seconds longer than you normally would. He'll be encouraged. Men are much more fragile than they appear. Their egos are easily bruised. Be the brave one here. Say something to him. It doesn't have to be exceedingly cleaver. Just a simple, "Hi! How are you?" can get the ball rolling.
Tip 7: Be choosy! Don't date everyone you meet. If you go around dating everyone - not only will you exhaust yourself, you'll become discouraged. They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. I say we should kiss as few as possible along the way. And the way to do this is to have high standards and a plan.
Tip 7: Don't worry if he's not Mr. Right. You want to have high standards and be choosy, but don't discount a guy because he doesn't meet every critera on your list! To be honest, no man is going to meet every criteria. Also, your criteria may change as you meet men and start dating. Be flexible. Don't discount the diamond in the rough! It sounds crude, but even if he isn't Mr. Right he could be Mr. Right Now.
Always remember, dating over 40 is an adventure. Enjoy yourself! Each date can be memorable for one or two reasons: the unique cuisine; you went somewhere new and exciting; you did something you've never done before; you learned something you didn't know, maybe even about yourself! It's all about living and loving and growing into the best possible person you can be!